Your name is JAKE ENGLISH. You are the son of evil mastermind LORD ENGLISH, the most infamous supervillain of all time. You would describe your childhood growing up as ECCENTRIC, but in truth, it isn't much less than TOTALLY DESPICABLE. You bluster frequently of exuberance for RAY GUNS and GADGETS and WORLD DOMINATION, though have no friends with which to share these interests. But who needs chums, when you can enjoy being the notoriously terrible GENERAL TERROR. Unfortunately for you, that's terrible in a LITERAL way, not in a striking-fear-in-the-hearts-and-minds-of-Skaiopolis way. You often swear your failure is due to a lack of decent help, even though the Henchman's Coalition has finally sent you a MINION in an effort to stop your enthusiastic letters. Unfortunately, your new henchman is not a GAL OF CERULEAN COMPLEXION with an intimate knowledge of FIREARMS, but he is probably as close as you're going to get. Despite this setback, you still aspire to nab yourself a cerulean lady someday. After all, a villain of your DEVILISH CUNNING AND GOOD LOOKS would have no trouble taking over the city with a BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUT on his arm. And if, inbetween your failures, you sometimes dream of renouncing your evil ways and joining the Hero's Academy as a cadet, then, well, at least your father DOESN'T KNOW.
